Mother knows best

I think I have to pass on Colorado.

I've been in Oregon for one year, two weeks, and two days. In that time I've had a "real job" for about 6 weeks. Granted I quit it thinking I was about to move right into another job which I planned to hold until the end of next June. But still... this year pretty much has been a vacation. Why do I think I need to escape it for a different vacation?

Oh yeah, because I've been so stressed out and depressed that my grand plan didn't quite work out that it really doesn't feel like vacation. I'm in a gorgeous place with nothing but opportunity and what am I doing with it? Feeling useless and choosing to sit mindlessly at my computer more often than truly appreciating my temporary freedom from responsibility.
Why is it that when we are unemployed we stress about finding a job the entire time, and then when we get a job we regret not taking advantage of that free time to travel, camp, and play? Well I can't say that I haven't been fully ignoring that. I do play a lot. And I've camped a bit. But I haven't been able to really let go and enjoy it because there's always that pervasive anxiety about not working.

Oy.

It's funny to hear different people's reactions and advice. The younger they are, the more enthusiastically they say "Go for it!" But my mom is the one that knows me deep down. She called me out on my fears. She pointed out truths that I had been unable to admit even to myself. And she's right.
I need to stay in Portland. I moved 2,575 miles from home to follow a dream. I can't let my fears take over. I must not lose focus on that dream.