Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Mother knows best
I think I have to pass on Colorado.
I've been in Oregon for one year, two weeks, and two days. In that time I've had a "real job" for about 6 weeks. Granted I quit it thinking I was about to move right into another job which I planned to hold until the end of next June. But still... this year pretty much has been a vacation. Why do I think I need to escape it for a different vacation?
Oh yeah, because I've been so stressed out and depressed that my grand plan didn't quite work out that it really doesn't feel like vacation. I'm in a gorgeous place with nothing but opportunity and what am I doing with it? Feeling useless and choosing to sit mindlessly at my computer more often than truly appreciating my temporary freedom from responsibility.
Why is it that when we are unemployed we stress about finding a job the entire time, and then when we get a job we regret not taking advantage of that free time to travel, camp, and play? Well I can't say that I haven't been fully ignoring that. I do play a lot. And I've camped a bit. But I haven't been able to really let go and enjoy it because there's always that pervasive anxiety about not working.
Oy.
It's funny to hear different people's reactions and advice. The younger they are, the more enthusiastically they say "Go for it!" But my mom is the one that knows me deep down. She called me out on my fears. She pointed out truths that I had been unable to admit even to myself. And she's right.
I need to stay in Portland. I moved 2,575 miles from home to follow a dream. I can't let my fears take over. I must not lose focus on that dream.
I've been in Oregon for one year, two weeks, and two days. In that time I've had a "real job" for about 6 weeks. Granted I quit it thinking I was about to move right into another job which I planned to hold until the end of next June. But still... this year pretty much has been a vacation. Why do I think I need to escape it for a different vacation?
Oh yeah, because I've been so stressed out and depressed that my grand plan didn't quite work out that it really doesn't feel like vacation. I'm in a gorgeous place with nothing but opportunity and what am I doing with it? Feeling useless and choosing to sit mindlessly at my computer more often than truly appreciating my temporary freedom from responsibility.
Why is it that when we are unemployed we stress about finding a job the entire time, and then when we get a job we regret not taking advantage of that free time to travel, camp, and play? Well I can't say that I haven't been fully ignoring that. I do play a lot. And I've camped a bit. But I haven't been able to really let go and enjoy it because there's always that pervasive anxiety about not working.
Oy.
It's funny to hear different people's reactions and advice. The younger they are, the more enthusiastically they say "Go for it!" But my mom is the one that knows me deep down. She called me out on my fears. She pointed out truths that I had been unable to admit even to myself. And she's right.
I need to stay in Portland. I moved 2,575 miles from home to follow a dream. I can't let my fears take over. I must not lose focus on that dream.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Adventure is nipping my heels...
I've just been offered a job...
...in Crested Butte.
And I want to jump at it, yes yes yes! Really there are only two things holding me back. Well more than two actually, but just two big ones.
1.) I need to maintain OR residency to afford school WHEN I get in this year. So I have to convince my wonderful landpeople to let me sublet my apartment (which I rent technically on a month-to-month basis) and find storage for most of my crap. Or just find storage for all of my crap and risk not finding a new apartment that's anywhere near as awesome a situation as what I've got now if I have to give it up.
2.) I'm attached to my doula group and don't want to let them down. And I don't want to miss out on all the births I would certainly get over the winter as opposed to maybe one or two private clients I might be able to find in CB. I need to prove my commitment to reproductive health so school will love me more than last year.
Pros:
I still don't have a real job here in Portland and there aren't any solid prospects since I'm being so picky. I'd rent a room and spend less than I'm spending now. I'd have a guaranteed job with people I know and trust and respect. I'd be living in paradise. I could celebrate the holidays with my sister, which I haven't done in 4 years. NO RAIN. If I do have to let go of my current Portland apartment, I can get a new one with more storage space, natural light, and room for a desk (cuz I'll be a scholarly type by summertime!!).
How did Kerouac put it? My feet are getting itchy.
Advice!!!!Please!!
...in Crested Butte.
And I want to jump at it, yes yes yes! Really there are only two things holding me back. Well more than two actually, but just two big ones.
1.) I need to maintain OR residency to afford school WHEN I get in this year. So I have to convince my wonderful landpeople to let me sublet my apartment (which I rent technically on a month-to-month basis) and find storage for most of my crap. Or just find storage for all of my crap and risk not finding a new apartment that's anywhere near as awesome a situation as what I've got now if I have to give it up.
2.) I'm attached to my doula group and don't want to let them down. And I don't want to miss out on all the births I would certainly get over the winter as opposed to maybe one or two private clients I might be able to find in CB. I need to prove my commitment to reproductive health so school will love me more than last year.
Pros:
I still don't have a real job here in Portland and there aren't any solid prospects since I'm being so picky. I'd rent a room and spend less than I'm spending now. I'd have a guaranteed job with people I know and trust and respect. I'd be living in paradise. I could celebrate the holidays with my sister, which I haven't done in 4 years. NO RAIN. If I do have to let go of my current Portland apartment, I can get a new one with more storage space, natural light, and room for a desk (cuz I'll be a scholarly type by summertime!!).
How did Kerouac put it? My feet are getting itchy.
Advice!!!!Please!!
Monday, September 8, 2008
and yet... somehow not horrible
As I clicked the link to Dr. Horrible's Sing-along-Blog I winced, assuming it would be a dumb waste of time. However, I was more than pleasantly surprised. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed it and even laughed aloud. SciFi mixed with superheroes mixed with singing!
Neil Patrick Harris did a great job as the awkward villain and how can I not love Nathan Fillion from the Firefly series?
Honestly worth the 45minutes!
Neil Patrick Harris did a great job as the awkward villain and how can I not love Nathan Fillion from the Firefly series?
Honestly worth the 45minutes!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Gumby-girl
I've been into this new activity/exercise/play time called acro-yoga. It's a combination of partner yoga, acrobatics, and Thai massage. Verrrryyyy cool. I'm getting stronger and stretchier every day.
Check out my flickr page: these photos!
btw: that's me in the orange shirt, in case you didn't recognize my sculpted legs :)
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